More to come...

2008 is over. All this afternoon I've been thinking about what 2008 meant to me, since that is what people usually do on New Years; reflect on the past and think about the future. I think about how much I grew in 2008. I moved out and got my own place, and have created some of my proudest work to date. I remember this time last year I was certain I'd be in New York this summer, for good. But things don't always go as planned. I still plan on going, but not until I'm absolutely ready. I've learned that lesson vicariously through a dear friend who is up there now. I'm terribly proud and jealous of him. He has seen the absolute worst in life over the past few months, and is fighting every day, but is keeping his head high. There's something about that city. If you're not strong, that city alone is enough to tear you down, and it will. But there's also something empowering about it. You look around and no matter where your eyes land, you see something magnificent, strange, or beautiful. For a photographer especially, there is no better place to be. I am looking forward to my upcoming trips up there. 

Enough on the side tangent. This is time for me to look back. The year is a big blur for me. From January up until the time I moved into my apartment in May, especially. The year started by finishing a run of a show that was a big moment in really figuring out what it is I love doing. I love acting and singing. I love magic and photography too, but those are expressions of me. I create my magic, and the photography stuff is what I see in front of me and create there. But acting out a role or singing a song created by someone else is much more challenging to me. I have to still put myself into them, make my own choices, but I'm limited. And somehow those limitations are what are liberating about it. If I have to choose between all the things I love doing, I think I'll choose that. It's so magical to me, becoming something else for a little while. I've done a lot of performing this year, although not nearly as much as I could have. I think back to the TBR shows at Chatt State, and going to Memphis twice too many times early in the year, once to audition for an Oliver Stone movie, and once for a singing competition, although the real highlight there was the deep fried double cheeseburger. Then there was Rocky Horror. I've never had more fun on stage in my life. That show was a real stretch for me. I had a lot of trouble creating a character for it. But I did and I had a blast. It's the proudest I've been of a production I've been in, and seeing the Pulse list it as one of the ten best concerts in Chattanooga this year (right up there with freakin' Allison Kraus and Robert Plant) was one of the most overwhelming feelings of accomplishment I've ever felt. 

Aside from performing, I feel like my photographic abilities have grown tremendously this year. I can't stop studying other work. I'm continually drawing inspiration for all sorts of ideas that I have yet to play out. That's one thing I am resolving to do this year: get more aggressive with working on my projects. I'm all over the place with what I'm doing photography wise, but I love it and so I don't care that it's inconsistent. I can not choose to focus on live events or staged concepts or headshots. It's not in me. Here's some of my favorite stuff from the past year. 

Going back and picking those was an odd experience. I intended to feature about 5 pictures. But I found so many that I love too much to not feature as a 'look back' at my year. But this year, when I look back 5, 10, 25 years from now will be remembered as something else. I will probably forget about most of those previously mentioned things that are coming to mind right now. 

This past year will always be Obama's year for me. I was on the Obama bandwagon back in 07 when he first announced. I just felt it. Something told me that the impossible was going to happen in front of me, and that I had to be a part of it. And I was. I volunteered with the campaign in both the primaries and the general election. I voted in my first presidential election. I was the first in line at my precinct. I got there an hour early and stood out in the cold so that I could be the first person there to vote, and to vote for Obama. I listened to a specially created playlist from my ipod. It was a euphoric experience. Right as they opened the doors for me to go in, Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come" played. That song will never be the same to me. "It's been a long, long time comin', but I know... a change is gonna come. Oh yes it will." On election night, I went to a results watching party at the Choo Choo. I took my camera, of course. I took a photo that, to me, captures the entire emotion of that night. 

It was an experience unlike anything I've ever felt. I knew maybe 20 people there, in a room with at least 700 in it. But everyone shared it. I hugged more strangers than I can remember. I cried the most I've ever cried because of being happy. I came home and sat for a while and thought about just how long a time it has been coming. My apartment is in a house that is 105 years old.  When this house was built, it had only been 40 years since slavery had been abolished. Blacks still weren't able to use the same facilities as whites. Women weren't allowed to vote. Since my house was built, this country has fought in 2 World Wars, a war in Korea, a war in Vietnam, and 2 wars in Iraq. I was quiet for an hour just listening to see if this house would tell me any stories of the things it's seen and heard. I didn't hear anything, because it's a house and can't talk. Although it does creak a lot. But it put me in a mindset of tracking progress. When I'm 50, I'm certain that I'll look back and wonder why it was that we didn't allow gay people to get married, although I'm already asking that question. It will have been long past the point of being accepted. That gives me hope. We've still got a ways to go. But we're getting there. The emotion of that night will always stay with me, and I will be going to the inauguration in a few weeks to document it as well, and I'm sure it will be an even bigger feeling. 

On a personal level, 2008 was difficult. Moving out has been very liberating, but the responsibilities of being an adult aren't the easiest thing in the world. I've been the most "broke" I've ever been, and my lifestyle has been far less "comfortable" than it was when I was living with my parents and had everything provided for me. That said, I've been increidbly luck that they've been so supportive. I've made a lot of friends since I've been here. I moved in with one person, but he decided to move out, so I had to frantically find a room mate, and it couldn't have worked out better. He's a really cool guy. I met a girl early in the summer, and it was great. But it didn't work out. That hurt. But I'm alright, and she's still a great friend. I've gotten closer with some friends who were only acquaintances previously. 

And now it's 2009. I have a hell of a year waiting for me. Some big challenges are already lined up, and I couldn't be more excited about them. I've been asked by a magician friend to co-write and direct a full length magic musical based on a character he created, and preview it at a magic convention I've been going to since 7th grade in front of my peers, then premiere it 2 weeks later at the producers club theatre in New York City. I've got a few photo projects in mind. One that I really want to get into involves exposing people to situations involving their greatest fear and capturing that emotion and having them write about it. Another involving masks. Lots of stuff floating around. And much more to come. I've decided to stay put in Chattanooga until I've really made something of myself here. It's a great city for what I'm doing. New York will always be there. The global financial situation just won't allow me to go right now. And I've got a lot more to do. So here's to 2009... the year of more to come.